how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
