Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
