Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
