that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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