dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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