I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
