Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
