He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
