My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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