I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
