I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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