Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
