The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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