The best revenge is premature balding
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the day after is always just damage control
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I currently don't understand fingers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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