so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
