There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
