we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
