I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
