i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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