just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
