i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
