he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
