my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
