no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
