just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
