Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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