Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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