my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
