How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
