you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
