I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
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