I'm gonna have a badass scar
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
