you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
