I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
honey bunches of taint.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
