My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
