this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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