the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
