my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
