none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
