Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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