just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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