and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
