well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
