ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
