fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
