She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
kristin has been a bad kristin
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
