Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
