Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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