Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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