Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
