she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
