i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
