She said her name was "party"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
