well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
