I hate all girls vehemently.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
